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Everyone has their own favorite joke, coming from themselves, or other comedians. The kind of joke people call you over to tell them and their friends. Post them here!

A teenager takes a seat on a bench next to a middle aged man reading a newspaper. After a few minutes the man looks over and stares intentively on the youth's multicolored mowhawk. The teenager looks over at the man and says "What's the matter old man, never done anything interesting in your life?"

The man responeded with "I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot, I was just wondering if you were my son."

Why don't blind people like to skydive? It scares the crap out of their dogs.

A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender say "What'll it be?". The skeleton replies "I'll have a beer...and a mop please."

A couple were at a golfing resort for their vacation. They were playing a golf when the husband accidentily hits the golfball to far and it smashes into a window. The couple go to the house and look around and they see a lamp on the ground broken. A man alks into the room and say "i am a genie, you have released me from me lamp and for that your get three wishes but in return you get one wish back." The husband says, "i want to be immortal"
"done" says the genie
"i want to never ever get sick" says the man
"done" says the genie
" I want to be famous"
"done, " says the genie, "now that you have said your wishes here is my request, you must let me sleep with your wife, i have been alone for nearl 300 years and i need a little sumthin"
So after an hour the wife and the genie are laying next to each other. The wife says "wow i cant beleive your were that good!"
the genie turns to the wife and says, "i cant beleive your husband still beleives in genies"

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)

Death is hereditary.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Q: What do you call a couple of blondes in the front seat of a car?
A: Air bags.

wHY DID tHE cHiCkEN crOSS tHE roAD?



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